Ode to Asmodeus

Ode to Asmodeus

Oh how I want
to watch
the water snake
in the valley;
creeping between
Alpine mounds
brown as Santos mahogany,
bending to the curve of
earth;
quaking,
quivering,
breathing a sigh,
beading to the rhythm of my pace.
Joined union it was,
I melted into Her,
She + I --> We,
and We melted together
as i traveled
along paths,
no maps needed.
different means of transportation
necessary.
Tramping among the Mothers of Earth, indeed.


Oh how i miss the warm earth
covering my ears!
Affirming cries
of wanton
heard just above
the well just
in between the
delicate folds of the earth.
Oh how i miss
soft beating,
onomatopoeia
of emotions coming from
within.
Different lands emit
a different song,
some Sirens,
some Banshee.

Oh how I lived to draw
from a well,
taste of elemental
sin, sweet phermonic
narcotic of a chronic
nature; even
new wells presented a
glory, the mystery of
parting the doors,
ringing a bell,
solving mechanical
puzzles and labyrinths only
to have sustenance flow free
to me;
a glutton you made me
Asmodeus.

You drew me with
every intent i'd
withdraw,
drawing up Spirit,
no more nectar,
only Living Water--
an acquired taste, you
damned Asmodeus.
You caused the Living Water
to be bitter to my taste,
damned one,
ruler on the earth
for which i
dwelled helplessly,
looking for my opiate
of men.
Little do you know,
Asmodeus,
this Pool i draw from
is like Liquid Multivitamin,
healing me.
And I miss you.
But no longer can i want you
within me again,
you damned one.
So be gone! Bounce off my armor!

Yeah...

I may just go ahead and delete MOST of what i posted here. Part of me doesn't want to, mainly because what is here is my past, and it has shaped me into what i am now...

But sometimes it is best to close doors, brick them up, and punish them for making me into the person I WAS.

I'm just confused about that.

If you don't see things here, it's because it's been deleted. Period. I can't send it to anyone either... if it's gone from here, it is just GONE.

Change is good. Radical change is (r)evolutionary. This can either backfire, or work in such a way that when I look back on myself 5 years from now I will be SO PROUD of myself for doing the right thing.
Fortunately, I have help in doing the latter. That's why I have a list of people i have to thank.

Now for my list of thank you's.
Thank You... my Lord, for loving me despite myself, and for giving me the chance to come to You. You always knew, yet, You made me BELIEVE i had a choice in the matter... i never stood a chance lol. I knew You paid the ultimate price for me, and yet, i still did not do what You ask of me. For that You know i apologize. i love You, Lord. Thank You for your mercy and grace, and i know that from now on i will follow Your word and consider You my Ultimate Dominant. You are the Universe. The end.
Thank you... my bestie, for having all the faith in me, when no one else had faith in me. You were always there with an open mind and heart. I could confide in you everything. You never stopped having hoping that i would come to my senses, and do exactly what i needed to do. You understood that i needed to get tired of my lifestyle, even when i was feeling good in it. And i did. The tears in your eyes for me took three long years. but i got rid of the demons living within me.
Thank you... my Mother, for being practical. I really thank you for being logical. When i become swamped with worry, you always have that level head. You're my Telemakhos, love. I love you so much Ma, that I don't even think saying that will suffice how much I do.
Thank you... friends in Christ, for educating me. For helping me to see the Way, and to want it for myself. I see how God works in your lives. I see how blessed you've become. I hear of how you were B.C and to see you A.D is just wonderful. You all were lights, and you all shined brightly. LOL such peculiar people you guys are. Thank you, and i love you all.
Thank you... friends, for loving me and accepting me, no matter what way i am. Way of the world, or following the Way, most of y'all have been very supportive of me and my choice. I also thank y'all for respecting my newfound lifestyle, but please do not forget that i am still Cierra. i am STILL Cece, and even though i may be a certain way, it doesn't mean that i will sit on a pedestal and judge you. Y'all know i ain't like that. Right now, i'm just elated, and i hope that it doesn't feel as if i am trying to impose my beliefs on you. If so, please check me. Just know that if you are curious, i will try my best to point you in the direction of a Bible, or to show you how the Lord has worked on me. I love all of you.
Thank you... Sir, you have sat down and watched me grow. Never once did you interfere with my growing process, you ALWAYS made sure i saw and learned for myself. It's easy to sit down at a lecture, it takes power to study and grow on your own. I am glad you were there to supplement me... you gave me information when needed, and you were there to reaffirm the fact that yes, i am INDEED growing. Thank you, Sir.

And I am sorry... anyone who had fallen for the demon in me. I am so sorry, it may be a radical change, but be assured that this was for everyone's benefit. I do not want to be responsible for the Spiritual Death of anyone else but myself, nor do I want anyone to be responsible for my Spiritual Death. When your soul cannot enjoy the Eternal life that is in heaven, you will surely perish and be condemned to a state of eternal suffering. Who really wants that? I did not want that demon speaking through me anymore, marking others' souls with tokens of sin, evoking lust, envy, lies, adultery, bisexuality, and the like. I sincerely apologize to those people. I could not help the manipulative and devilishly creative soul that was dwelling inside of me. I apologize for having you joined me in sin.

I think that's all.
Cierra.
7:36 pm

Harakiri

Harakiri


I would not wish
your belly to feel the scimitar
pierce through my chainmail,
love.
Stand behind me and
I will kill us,
mercifully,
honorably,
as a battle was painfully lost...
again.
Allow me to end it once
and for all, and all for
once it ends, a sinful
reign of fiery lust.
No one wants to see death,
so stand behind me, allow me to see
the reality of
our tragic flaws reflecting in the
silver of the scimitar.

More romantic it seems,
that i may kiss you
with my poisoned lips, and have
you die in my arms, watching
the end of an era become
glazed and dazed, before
wiping your tears of confusion and closing
your empty windows.
But i cannot watch you die,
love,
this was a battle
for crude,
the black gold i found within you.
Hold me close,
Rest your head on my shoulder,
I want to feel you at my back as
we keel over in the pool
of our own blood,
hot as the
eternal suffering
we will endure
if I didn't kill us.

So be glad
that you cannot feel me
love.
Be grateful
that we are not one
love.
Appreciate my love for you,
and allow me to drive this sword through us.