**Yup, just wrote this, hot off the press. Enjoy the dark part of my mind!!**
Suspension; like a colloid
Confined to a meaningless space
Full of hopes, desires, wanton
of love bought on another's time.
My heart enlarges and glazes over ten times,
a sea of gold running through my blackening heart,
a degeneration of immaculate proportion, tunneling my
vision, blinding my periphery.
And all I see is you. My ability
to love has not waned-- no, not in the
least. My heart is blackening from oxidizing love,
my lust for your affection boils over
Into nothing. For I wait on a glimmer
of hope; a belief that once we touch,
nothing will ever matter. My religion,
deadlocked with the realness of your reality
Allow me to touch you then, allow my syllables
to caress your temple. Be massaged by my iamb,
let my soul meet yours,
as my faith meets your reality.
But this cannot happen. Two different time zones,
two different wavelengths, two minds, two bodies...
one heartbeat. You see, my faith interprets reality,
while your reality only acknowledges faith.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Eight Four Times Over
So many emotions flood into my heart
For a woman I've met three times
Now eight four times over,
And I loved once.
Upon a time when the future ended
And the past escapes finite,
I knew her.
But she never knew me.
I watched her evolve, mutate, adapt
And naturally select familiar darkness,
Blind fish of the sea
I watched in the abyss,
I fed flakes of hope.
I knew her.
But she never knew me.
Imagine erecting a mountain
For one who enjoys the valleys;
Imagine crafting a platinum bust
For someone who loves silver.
All love and adoration
Unrequited and evaded.
I thought her.
But she never thought me.
Now all I have is a skewed memory
Of how I believed we were close.
It was all a hyperbole of how
I allowed her to sew her sadness
Through the threads of me.
Needle practice.
I patched her.
But she never patched me.
For a woman I've met three times
Now eight four times over,
And I loved once.
Upon a time when the future ended
And the past escapes finite,
I knew her.
But she never knew me.
I watched her evolve, mutate, adapt
And naturally select familiar darkness,
Blind fish of the sea
I watched in the abyss,
I fed flakes of hope.
I knew her.
But she never knew me.
Imagine erecting a mountain
For one who enjoys the valleys;
Imagine crafting a platinum bust
For someone who loves silver.
All love and adoration
Unrequited and evaded.
I thought her.
But she never thought me.
Now all I have is a skewed memory
Of how I believed we were close.
It was all a hyperbole of how
I allowed her to sew her sadness
Through the threads of me.
Needle practice.
I patched her.
But she never patched me.
Friday, July 1, 2011
Last Poem....
about the subject. I'm spent. Anyway, here goez.
sweet tears
fall from
my face,
indiff'rent
onlooker,
lips are pursed
not concerned with
the reasoning
behind my cry,
but the question of
why weep over her,
you pester"er"?
Unrequited has-been,
awfully silly child,
vaginal chaser, i
AM all of these things, you see
i am the victim of my
own mind, with no one who will
share my sentiments, exactly.
To escape my mind with mindless
sex, never filling the big box
I wear on my sleeve. What can I say?
Fell in love with the idea of you,
Hit the ground and broke. The King's Horses
And the King's Men can't clean up the pieces.
sweet tears
fall from
my face,
indiff'rent
onlooker,
lips are pursed
not concerned with
the reasoning
behind my cry,
but the question of
why weep over her,
you pester"er"?
Unrequited has-been,
awfully silly child,
vaginal chaser, i
AM all of these things, you see
i am the victim of my
own mind, with no one who will
share my sentiments, exactly.
To escape my mind with mindless
sex, never filling the big box
I wear on my sleeve. What can I say?
Fell in love with the idea of you,
Hit the ground and broke. The King's Horses
And the King's Men can't clean up the pieces.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Is this a disorder bay??? lol!!!
I wanted to write
something so eloquent
about you,
i mean, how difficult is it?
I sat here, thinking about
all the emotions i feel
when i am around you,
and a freezing flood
rushes over my shore,
the gray of my brain,
it just will not come to me
quite easily.
Pains me actually.
When i am around you,
you wrap my tongue,
stretch it to its limits
and wring it out
and, my man,
your aftercare
is off the chain.
You give me a new thought before i finish another,
your ideas and power flow into me,
so much that, your leadership
causes ME to be a great leader.
Your power, coupled with the love
you rush down like a quiet
waterfall into my lake of my psyche
evaporates into the atmosphere;
beautiful rainbows shine above our
harmony,
and i still cannot complete my thought.
Papa, what you DO to me!?
I can't seem to finish,
but does it need an ending?
Are we still writing a book
about us? I do not think
I have reached the chapter where
i can finally list all the things i feel
when i'm with you.
Forty-five minutes away,
or forty-five nanoseconds away
you're with me.
And there is no better feeling than to feel you
and the God that dwells within you,
maybe except for the God that dwells in me.
Jesus recognize Jesus,
and i STILL can't finish a thought before
a new beginning.
Ohhhhh i give up!!!
something so eloquent
about you,
i mean, how difficult is it?
I sat here, thinking about
all the emotions i feel
when i am around you,
and a freezing flood
rushes over my shore,
the gray of my brain,
it just will not come to me
quite easily.
Pains me actually.
When i am around you,
you wrap my tongue,
stretch it to its limits
and wring it out
and, my man,
your aftercare
is off the chain.
You give me a new thought before i finish another,
your ideas and power flow into me,
so much that, your leadership
causes ME to be a great leader.
Your power, coupled with the love
you rush down like a quiet
waterfall into my lake of my psyche
evaporates into the atmosphere;
beautiful rainbows shine above our
harmony,
and i still cannot complete my thought.
Papa, what you DO to me!?
I can't seem to finish,
but does it need an ending?
Are we still writing a book
about us? I do not think
I have reached the chapter where
i can finally list all the things i feel
when i'm with you.
Forty-five minutes away,
or forty-five nanoseconds away
you're with me.
And there is no better feeling than to feel you
and the God that dwells within you,
maybe except for the God that dwells in me.
Jesus recognize Jesus,
and i STILL can't finish a thought before
a new beginning.
Ohhhhh i give up!!!
Monday, November 15, 2010
Rotten Love
Is noticing pain
something to be proud of
when you caused it?
Is being aware of anguish
something to be proud of
when you caused it?
Is senseless murder
senseless only to the one
who was killed?
The carcass
infested with maggots
stinks of neglect;
like a bad memory,
it's only putrid
when experienced.
Even when nature
finishes the decomposition,
the stain will remain.
You hold your nose,
avert your eyes,
redirect your path, avoiding
the disgrace on the floor
in your house.
You stop people at the entrance,
live on your porch,
come in the back way,
all to avoid the foyer of your life.
All of this
could have been avoided
if you addressed the issue
instead of running from it.
Clean up the mess that
you helped make,
aid in discarding the shell
of love
that lies rotting.
Let's put on the gloves
of sanitation, remove
the rotten beast without
re-contamination.
Reacquaint ourselves with
it, remember it alive,
and figure out why it died.
Let us bury it,
No Coroner needed.
something to be proud of
when you caused it?
Is being aware of anguish
something to be proud of
when you caused it?
Is senseless murder
senseless only to the one
who was killed?
The carcass
infested with maggots
stinks of neglect;
like a bad memory,
it's only putrid
when experienced.
Even when nature
finishes the decomposition,
the stain will remain.
You hold your nose,
avert your eyes,
redirect your path, avoiding
the disgrace on the floor
in your house.
You stop people at the entrance,
live on your porch,
come in the back way,
all to avoid the foyer of your life.
All of this
could have been avoided
if you addressed the issue
instead of running from it.
Clean up the mess that
you helped make,
aid in discarding the shell
of love
that lies rotting.
Let's put on the gloves
of sanitation, remove
the rotten beast without
re-contamination.
Reacquaint ourselves with
it, remember it alive,
and figure out why it died.
Let us bury it,
No Coroner needed.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Sayonara?
Goodbye, love
I have to bid you adieu.
It's for the best, anyways.
For I am only a season in your cycle,
and you a leaf on my tree.
I see your smile from a
spy in the corner of your life,
snapshots of happiness,
the joy excites me,
been here for a while,
even before you pushed me away,
and all i can say--
"your happiness makes me more at peace".
Such noble words spoken
from a woman
who had died
at your dismissal.
Goodbye, love
I have to bid you adieu.
It's for the best, anyways.
For I am only a beauty mark
in between the crack of your @ss.
Half-truths and confusion?
Disillusions from the illusion?
I opened your heart,
studied your conscience,
and written in Sharpie,
was the answer,
yet it had been overwritten. edit
Ah, so much for that.
The stitches i craft in forgiveness
will heal well,
but leave a mark
of regret.
Goodbye, love
I have to bid you adieu.
It's for the best, anyways.
For I am only a passerby hello
While you have gone goodbye.
I have to bid you adieu.
It's for the best, anyways.
For I am only a season in your cycle,
and you a leaf on my tree.
I see your smile from a
spy in the corner of your life,
snapshots of happiness,
the joy excites me,
been here for a while,
even before you pushed me away,
and all i can say--
"your happiness makes me more at peace".
Such noble words spoken
from a woman
who had died
at your dismissal.
Goodbye, love
I have to bid you adieu.
It's for the best, anyways.
For I am only a beauty mark
in between the crack of your @ss.
Half-truths and confusion?
Disillusions from the illusion?
I opened your heart,
studied your conscience,
and written in Sharpie,
was the answer,
yet it had been overwritten. edit
Ah, so much for that.
The stitches i craft in forgiveness
will heal well,
but leave a mark
of regret.
Goodbye, love
I have to bid you adieu.
It's for the best, anyways.
For I am only a passerby hello
While you have gone goodbye.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Shielded from Mother...
A cross-wired lattice fence
white as all
colors mixed together
in one unison,
one form,
one harmony.
Beautiful obstacle,
pure and relevant,
built by hands
of none
and hearts of millions.
Oh white fence,
you are alive with power!
Shocking bolts
of conviction
by climbing the face
of miracles,
and she falls
into green pastures,
mindlessly dwelling
in paradise.
You see,
She had set gaze
on dark horizons,
droning mob cries
and
she
couldn't help
BUT
to feed her
CURIOSITY
and
it KILLED her
that she couldn't touch
the reflection
of HER
she saw
over the fence
that
bordered.
Looming in darkness
was a part of her,
lost
and dwelling
and dying.
Severed umbilical cord;
what good is a
placenta by itself?
Will it not die without an
infant?
Eyes flushed out
the pain in her gut
as the phantom
want for need
ached in her body;
she watched
the useless
appendage
she once loved
wither outside
the fence.
Poor infant, born and
torn away from
what she knew. . .
Father?
white as all
colors mixed together
in one unison,
one form,
one harmony.
Beautiful obstacle,
pure and relevant,
built by hands
of none
and hearts of millions.
Oh white fence,
you are alive with power!
Shocking bolts
of conviction
by climbing the face
of miracles,
and she falls
into green pastures,
mindlessly dwelling
in paradise.
You see,
She had set gaze
on dark horizons,
droning mob cries
and
she
couldn't help
BUT
to feed her
CURIOSITY
and
it KILLED her
that she couldn't touch
the reflection
of HER
she saw
over the fence
that
bordered.
Looming in darkness
was a part of her,
lost
and dwelling
and dying.
Severed umbilical cord;
what good is a
placenta by itself?
Will it not die without an
infant?
Eyes flushed out
the pain in her gut
as the phantom
want for need
ached in her body;
she watched
the useless
appendage
she once loved
wither outside
the fence.
Poor infant, born and
torn away from
what she knew. . .
Father?
Friday, October 22, 2010
Individualistic society sucks.
Yeah, i was just browsing Youtube (as usual) and came across this gem.
Just listen first, and then read on.
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OK so you watched it? Cool.
Yeah........ pretty powerful eh? Yup. The heart thing made me cringe a little bit, but i LOVED Gnarls Barkley's song *reminds self to find and download*.
The message is self-explanatory, i think.
This is what I believe.
Basically, falling in love is a tough deal, and falling out of it can be even tougher. People nowadays are so quick to flee and move on at the first sign of trouble, and people have shallow ideas of commitment (OH I'm gonna only love you during the good times, I'm too young/old/busy/pretty/promiscuous to stay here and make it work when things turn sour 'cause OH I'm SOOOOOOO optimistic, storms scare me and blah blah blah) that they really do not care about the person they are supposed to be "in it" with (meaning, in a relationship with). People are also quick to fall in love with a person. All it takes nowadays is to get to "know them" (sex) and BOOM! You're there. SMH...
i have a lot of feelings about this video... i can't really form a cohesive blog with it so i will just hold on to them. What do y'all think about it?
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
for Sir...
Big red marks
of sacrificial skin
bunched together
screaming nerves
of timidity
and underlapping
the boundaries
of my bliss
as my vocal cords
chord a pleasing remark
soothing beastly
thoughts of desire
and transferring the
power of my
own will
into your strong hands
and i bind together
the thoughts
of me in you
and we
collar the moment
catch it in our grasp
the point between
yours and mine
that empty space
the thin line that
separates roles
and sorts out the confusion
that i will be yours.
of sacrificial skin
bunched together
screaming nerves
of timidity
and underlapping
the boundaries
of my bliss
as my vocal cords
chord a pleasing remark
soothing beastly
thoughts of desire
and transferring the
power of my
own will
into your strong hands
and i bind together
the thoughts
of me in you
and we
collar the moment
catch it in our grasp
the point between
yours and mine
that empty space
the thin line that
separates roles
and sorts out the confusion
that i will be yours.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
it ain't got no title, just read.
Straw pile
on the curve of my back,
on my knees
begging Master
for reprieve;
passing through
the eye of the needle,
heavy burdens in tow.
Reapers of the world
stare as i crawl
and they sneer as each place
a single strand of straw
on the curve of my back.
Teary eyed, pain radiates
from my spine,
Peripheral nervous system
sends SOS
to the rest of me,
Please, yell "No More!".
And then i see YOUR face,
twisted grin,
your tears of pain
streaming down from your eyes,
and you place
the last straw,
domino effect
of my back
as each bone
collapses,
and the pressure,
the disapproval,
the disdain
flattens me.
Now I am buried
Under the straw I carried,
I see you and
the burden you have
turn away from me
and you mutter
"Strength in the Lord?
Foolishness.
I have broken her."
Your indifference uncovered
the transference.
Straws began to
collect on your spine
as the tingling
in my fingers
dissipates.
Little do you know,
the strength I have
is not measured by
the weight on my back,
the power of my tongue nor
the wits I possess, rather
the love of God.
Within lies
incomparable strength,
as even though
the million straws I carry
have shattered my spine,
my heart still beats,
loves,
and triumphs
over any straw in my load.
on the curve of my back,
on my knees
begging Master
for reprieve;
passing through
the eye of the needle,
heavy burdens in tow.
Reapers of the world
stare as i crawl
and they sneer as each place
a single strand of straw
on the curve of my back.
Teary eyed, pain radiates
from my spine,
Peripheral nervous system
sends SOS
to the rest of me,
Please, yell "No More!".
And then i see YOUR face,
twisted grin,
your tears of pain
streaming down from your eyes,
and you place
the last straw,
domino effect
of my back
as each bone
collapses,
and the pressure,
the disapproval,
the disdain
flattens me.
Now I am buried
Under the straw I carried,
I see you and
the burden you have
turn away from me
and you mutter
"Strength in the Lord?
Foolishness.
I have broken her."
Your indifference uncovered
the transference.
Straws began to
collect on your spine
as the tingling
in my fingers
dissipates.
Little do you know,
the strength I have
is not measured by
the weight on my back,
the power of my tongue nor
the wits I possess, rather
the love of God.
Within lies
incomparable strength,
as even though
the million straws I carry
have shattered my spine,
my heart still beats,
loves,
and triumphs
over any straw in my load.
Monday, October 11, 2010
OMG.... OMG!!!!
I. LOVE. THIS. SONG.
I heard it before... but, didn't really pay attention to the lyrics until today. This is on repeat until I have the whole song in my memory banks.
Ceelo Green, you've done it again with the relating-to-your-audience thing. Even if I were the only one there... your relate-able meter will still be off the charts. Thanks for bottling up like FOUR YEARS of my love life. Thanks. Lol.
I heard it before... but, didn't really pay attention to the lyrics until today. This is on repeat until I have the whole song in my memory banks.
Ceelo Green, you've done it again with the relating-to-your-audience thing. Even if I were the only one there... your relate-able meter will still be off the charts. Thanks for bottling up like FOUR YEARS of my love life. Thanks. Lol.
It's Like Gold Duuuuuuuuust.....
Ok so. Some (if not most) of my peeps KNOW i am on this dubstep craze. Don't know what dubstep is??? Welp... here's a sample below (and in my main video)...
I LOVE it! lol. There's so much.... but if you want to listen to more, PLEASE check out Flux Pavilion, Nero, Emalkay, Roksonix (especially Imogen Heap's remix), Slof Man, Numa Crew, Cookie Monsta, and Chrispy. If you love weird, different, and downright bassy stuff, check em out! Each of them have their own sound.
I LOVE it! lol. There's so much.... but if you want to listen to more, PLEASE check out Flux Pavilion, Nero, Emalkay, Roksonix (especially Imogen Heap's remix), Slof Man, Numa Crew, Cookie Monsta, and Chrispy. If you love weird, different, and downright bassy stuff, check em out! Each of them have their own sound.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Cleared.
Ce/C
It's reset...
Took an eraser to the board,
Dry-erase marker, in red
all over the white matter
that makes up the rest of me
all erased.
The graffiti I made
like a mindless kid
that destroys his own
neighborhood
with his own hand,
adding something HE perceives--
I perceive as aesthetic,
anesthetic to me it was.
A joy to look at the beautiful
words against the wall.
"I love her". Written and reinforced with
green...
colors a complement to one another.
Love is surrounded by a ring of jealousy
(or at least mine was)
used to protect what I thought would be mine.
Healthy when you can paint
the town red
and stay within the lines.
Unhealthy when the red strays into
uncharted territory unplanned outside the wall of my heart,
encountering the green-eyed monster
and fleeing for her life, because, she didn't belong there.
Her name didn't belong marked on the wall,
so, painstakingly, I rinsed my mind.
The mistakes,
The stray red line,
but I can still see the leftovers
and I smile.
The graffiti rinsed off, the red and green remnants of my
bright and luminous light
makes yellow, the color of the flower
I'll send YOU, my FRIEND.
8/1/2010
It's reset...
Took an eraser to the board,
Dry-erase marker, in red
all over the white matter
that makes up the rest of me
all erased.
The graffiti I made
like a mindless kid
that destroys his own
neighborhood
with his own hand,
adding something HE perceives--
I perceive as aesthetic,
anesthetic to me it was.
A joy to look at the beautiful
words against the wall.
"I love her". Written and reinforced with
green...
colors a complement to one another.
Love is surrounded by a ring of jealousy
(or at least mine was)
used to protect what I thought would be mine.
Healthy when you can paint
the town red
and stay within the lines.
Unhealthy when the red strays into
uncharted territory unplanned outside the wall of my heart,
encountering the green-eyed monster
and fleeing for her life, because, she didn't belong there.
Her name didn't belong marked on the wall,
so, painstakingly, I rinsed my mind.
The mistakes,
The stray red line,
but I can still see the leftovers
and I smile.
The graffiti rinsed off, the red and green remnants of my
bright and luminous light
makes yellow, the color of the flower
I'll send YOU, my FRIEND.
8/1/2010
Done for a friend a HOT minute ago...
I LOVE this poem... mainly because I personified the season, and totally made it apply to my friend. I'm sure she doesn't mind if I post it... if she does *shrug* she can meet me in the traaaaaap! Cause it's going down! L.M.A.O.
Light breezes, warm sun
Hurricanes and winds spun
Many aspects of one
Autumn.
Leaves change, eventual transition
From a springy green to a passionate red disposition
For the duration of one
Autumn.
The rains are the most torrential
And strangely, the weather is the most delightful
All under one
Autumn.
The not-so-subtle paradox
Of this autumnal equinox
Piques interest in one
Autumn.
A gradual cessation of the scorching summer
To introduce a temperature much cooler
The grace of one
Autumn.
Giving enough preparation
To withstand the wintery desolation
The lessons of one
Autumn.
Light breezes, warm sun
Hurricanes and winds spun
Many aspects of one
Autumn.
Leaves change, eventual transition
From a springy green to a passionate red disposition
For the duration of one
Autumn.
The rains are the most torrential
And strangely, the weather is the most delightful
All under one
Autumn.
The not-so-subtle paradox
Of this autumnal equinox
Piques interest in one
Autumn.
A gradual cessation of the scorching summer
To introduce a temperature much cooler
The grace of one
Autumn.
Giving enough preparation
To withstand the wintery desolation
The lessons of one
Autumn.
Doe
He sits there, all the time
on the bench, he waits.
Some say, it's for the world.
Some think, he's lazy.
Some glance and snap at the mere
sight of the man,
clothed in materials of the earth,
carefully spun
timely undone
Hair a mangled mess,
matte and matted.
Shoes of a soldier,
laces of a veteran
honor of none.
Soleless.
8/3/2010
on the bench, he waits.
Some say, it's for the world.
Some think, he's lazy.
Some glance and snap at the mere
sight of the man,
clothed in materials of the earth,
carefully spun
timely undone
Hair a mangled mess,
matte and matted.
Shoes of a soldier,
laces of a veteran
honor of none.
Soleless.
8/3/2010
Void
a draining pool of darkness
this empty
this blue-hot pit
of black
#000000
is what it registers.
as her heart beats,
the blood seeps
the suspension of life fails slowly
as the pit seethes.
her life swirls into
nothing
only to be torn
and destroyed
(transported)
in (to) another realm
where she feels
unfamiliar
lost
dead,
as this worm hole in her chest
slowly eats at her
tastefully
only to leave part of her
empty,
voided.
6/9/2010
this empty
this blue-hot pit
of black
#000000
is what it registers.
as her heart beats,
the blood seeps
the suspension of life fails slowly
as the pit seethes.
her life swirls into
nothing
only to be torn
and destroyed
(transported)
in (to) another realm
where she feels
unfamiliar
lost
dead,
as this worm hole in her chest
slowly eats at her
tastefully
only to leave part of her
empty,
voided.
6/9/2010
You Make Me Think...
Want
Temptation of,
a carnal
a mental
a spiritual
being,
that
hypnotizes me like
the aroma of peach cobbler
in the kitchen.
It makes me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
Lust of
a powerful
a beautiful
a doubtful
being,
that
intrigues me like
the notion that 2+2 CAN
equal 5.
It makes me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
Knowledge of,
a doting
a loving
a caring
being,
that
causes me to wonder
what it may feel like
to be truly loved by you.
You make me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
Regardless of
a circumstance
a happenstance
a distance
KNOW
that
my interest is growing like
a 13-year-old boy....
exponentially, simply because
You make me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
3/7/2010
Temptation of,
a carnal
a mental
a spiritual
being,
that
hypnotizes me like
the aroma of peach cobbler
in the kitchen.
It makes me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
Lust of
a powerful
a beautiful
a doubtful
being,
that
intrigues me like
the notion that 2+2 CAN
equal 5.
It makes me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
Knowledge of,
a doting
a loving
a caring
being,
that
causes me to wonder
what it may feel like
to be truly loved by you.
You make me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
Regardless of
a circumstance
a happenstance
a distance
KNOW
that
my interest is growing like
a 13-year-old boy....
exponentially, simply because
You make me
believe
that what i want,
is what i need.
3/7/2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Ode to Asmodeus
Ode to Asmodeus
Oh how I want
to watch
the water snake
in the valley;
creeping between
Alpine mounds
brown as Santos mahogany,
bending to the curve of
earth;
quaking,
quivering,
breathing a sigh,
beading to the rhythm of my pace.
Joined union it was,
I melted into Her,
She + I --> We,
and We melted together
as i traveled
along paths,
no maps needed.
different means of transportation
necessary.
Tramping among the Mothers of Earth, indeed.
Oh how i miss the warm earth
covering my ears!
Affirming cries
of wanton
heard just above
the well just
in between the
delicate folds of the earth.
Oh how i miss
soft beating,
onomatopoeia
of emotions coming from
within.
Different lands emit
a different song,
some Sirens,
some Banshee.
Oh how I lived to draw
from a well,
taste of elemental
sin, sweet phermonic
narcotic of a chronic
nature; even
new wells presented a
glory, the mystery of
parting the doors,
ringing a bell,
solving mechanical
puzzles and labyrinths only
to have sustenance flow free
to me;
a glutton you made me
Asmodeus.
You drew me with
every intent i'd
withdraw,
drawing up Spirit,
no more nectar,
only Living Water--
an acquired taste, you
damned Asmodeus.
You caused the Living Water
to be bitter to my taste,
damned one,
ruler on the earth
for which i
dwelled helplessly,
looking for my opiate
of men.
Little do you know,
Asmodeus,
this Pool i draw from
is like Liquid Multivitamin,
healing me.
And I miss you.
But no longer can i want you
within me again,
you damned one.
So be gone! Bounce off my armor!
Oh how I want
to watch
the water snake
in the valley;
creeping between
Alpine mounds
brown as Santos mahogany,
bending to the curve of
earth;
quaking,
quivering,
breathing a sigh,
beading to the rhythm of my pace.
Joined union it was,
I melted into Her,
She + I --> We,
and We melted together
as i traveled
along paths,
no maps needed.
different means of transportation
necessary.
Tramping among the Mothers of Earth, indeed.
Oh how i miss the warm earth
covering my ears!
Affirming cries
of wanton
heard just above
the well just
in between the
delicate folds of the earth.
Oh how i miss
soft beating,
onomatopoeia
of emotions coming from
within.
Different lands emit
a different song,
some Sirens,
some Banshee.
Oh how I lived to draw
from a well,
taste of elemental
sin, sweet phermonic
narcotic of a chronic
nature; even
new wells presented a
glory, the mystery of
parting the doors,
ringing a bell,
solving mechanical
puzzles and labyrinths only
to have sustenance flow free
to me;
a glutton you made me
Asmodeus.
You drew me with
every intent i'd
withdraw,
drawing up Spirit,
no more nectar,
only Living Water--
an acquired taste, you
damned Asmodeus.
You caused the Living Water
to be bitter to my taste,
damned one,
ruler on the earth
for which i
dwelled helplessly,
looking for my opiate
of men.
Little do you know,
Asmodeus,
this Pool i draw from
is like Liquid Multivitamin,
healing me.
And I miss you.
But no longer can i want you
within me again,
you damned one.
So be gone! Bounce off my armor!
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Yeah...
I may just go ahead and delete MOST of what i posted here. Part of me doesn't want to, mainly because what is here is my past, and it has shaped me into what i am now...
But sometimes it is best to close doors, brick them up, and punish them for making me into the person I WAS.
I'm just confused about that.
If you don't see things here, it's because it's been deleted. Period. I can't send it to anyone either... if it's gone from here, it is just GONE.
Change is good. Radical change is (r)evolutionary. This can either backfire, or work in such a way that when I look back on myself 5 years from now I will be SO PROUD of myself for doing the right thing.
Fortunately, I have help in doing the latter. That's why I have a list of people i have to thank.
Now for my list of thank you's.
Thank You... my Lord, for loving me despite myself, and for giving me the chance to come to You. You always knew, yet, You made me BELIEVE i had a choice in the matter... i never stood a chance lol. I knew You paid the ultimate price for me, and yet, i still did not do what You ask of me. For that You know i apologize. i love You, Lord. Thank You for your mercy and grace, and i know that from now on i will follow Your word and consider You my Ultimate Dominant. You are the Universe. The end.
Thank you... my bestie, for having all the faith in me, when no one else had faith in me. You were always there with an open mind and heart. I could confide in you everything. You never stopped having hoping that i would come to my senses, and do exactly what i needed to do. You understood that i needed to get tired of my lifestyle, even when i was feeling good in it. And i did. The tears in your eyes for me took three long years. but i got rid of the demons living within me.
Thank you... my Mother, for being practical. I really thank you for being logical. When i become swamped with worry, you always have that level head. You're my Telemakhos, love. I love you so much Ma, that I don't even think saying that will suffice how much I do.
Thank you... friends in Christ, for educating me. For helping me to see the Way, and to want it for myself. I see how God works in your lives. I see how blessed you've become. I hear of how you were B.C and to see you A.D is just wonderful. You all were lights, and you all shined brightly. LOL such peculiar people you guys are. Thank you, and i love you all.
Thank you... friends, for loving me and accepting me, no matter what way i am. Way of the world, or following the Way, most of y'all have been very supportive of me and my choice. I also thank y'all for respecting my newfound lifestyle, but please do not forget that i am still Cierra. i am STILL Cece, and even though i may be a certain way, it doesn't mean that i will sit on a pedestal and judge you. Y'all know i ain't like that. Right now, i'm just elated, and i hope that it doesn't feel as if i am trying to impose my beliefs on you. If so, please check me. Just know that if you are curious, i will try my best to point you in the direction of a Bible, or to show you how the Lord has worked on me. I love all of you.
Thank you... Sir, you have sat down and watched me grow. Never once did you interfere with my growing process, you ALWAYS made sure i saw and learned for myself. It's easy to sit down at a lecture, it takes power to study and grow on your own. I am glad you were there to supplement me... you gave me information when needed, and you were there to reaffirm the fact that yes, i am INDEED growing. Thank you, Sir.
And I am sorry... anyone who had fallen for the demon in me. I am so sorry, it may be a radical change, but be assured that this was for everyone's benefit. I do not want to be responsible for the Spiritual Death of anyone else but myself, nor do I want anyone to be responsible for my Spiritual Death. When your soul cannot enjoy the Eternal life that is in heaven, you will surely perish and be condemned to a state of eternal suffering. Who really wants that? I did not want that demon speaking through me anymore, marking others' souls with tokens of sin, evoking lust, envy, lies, adultery, bisexuality, and the like. I sincerely apologize to those people. I could not help the manipulative and devilishly creative soul that was dwelling inside of me. I apologize for having you joined me in sin.
I think that's all.
Cierra.
7:36 pm
But sometimes it is best to close doors, brick them up, and punish them for making me into the person I WAS.
I'm just confused about that.
If you don't see things here, it's because it's been deleted. Period. I can't send it to anyone either... if it's gone from here, it is just GONE.
Change is good. Radical change is (r)evolutionary. This can either backfire, or work in such a way that when I look back on myself 5 years from now I will be SO PROUD of myself for doing the right thing.
Fortunately, I have help in doing the latter. That's why I have a list of people i have to thank.
Now for my list of thank you's.
Thank You... my Lord, for loving me despite myself, and for giving me the chance to come to You. You always knew, yet, You made me BELIEVE i had a choice in the matter... i never stood a chance lol. I knew You paid the ultimate price for me, and yet, i still did not do what You ask of me. For that You know i apologize. i love You, Lord. Thank You for your mercy and grace, and i know that from now on i will follow Your word and consider You my Ultimate Dominant. You are the Universe. The end.
Thank you... my bestie, for having all the faith in me, when no one else had faith in me. You were always there with an open mind and heart. I could confide in you everything. You never stopped having hoping that i would come to my senses, and do exactly what i needed to do. You understood that i needed to get tired of my lifestyle, even when i was feeling good in it. And i did. The tears in your eyes for me took three long years. but i got rid of the demons living within me.
Thank you... my Mother, for being practical. I really thank you for being logical. When i become swamped with worry, you always have that level head. You're my Telemakhos, love. I love you so much Ma, that I don't even think saying that will suffice how much I do.
Thank you... friends in Christ, for educating me. For helping me to see the Way, and to want it for myself. I see how God works in your lives. I see how blessed you've become. I hear of how you were B.C and to see you A.D is just wonderful. You all were lights, and you all shined brightly. LOL such peculiar people you guys are. Thank you, and i love you all.
Thank you... friends, for loving me and accepting me, no matter what way i am. Way of the world, or following the Way, most of y'all have been very supportive of me and my choice. I also thank y'all for respecting my newfound lifestyle, but please do not forget that i am still Cierra. i am STILL Cece, and even though i may be a certain way, it doesn't mean that i will sit on a pedestal and judge you. Y'all know i ain't like that. Right now, i'm just elated, and i hope that it doesn't feel as if i am trying to impose my beliefs on you. If so, please check me. Just know that if you are curious, i will try my best to point you in the direction of a Bible, or to show you how the Lord has worked on me. I love all of you.
Thank you... Sir, you have sat down and watched me grow. Never once did you interfere with my growing process, you ALWAYS made sure i saw and learned for myself. It's easy to sit down at a lecture, it takes power to study and grow on your own. I am glad you were there to supplement me... you gave me information when needed, and you were there to reaffirm the fact that yes, i am INDEED growing. Thank you, Sir.
And I am sorry... anyone who had fallen for the demon in me. I am so sorry, it may be a radical change, but be assured that this was for everyone's benefit. I do not want to be responsible for the Spiritual Death of anyone else but myself, nor do I want anyone to be responsible for my Spiritual Death. When your soul cannot enjoy the Eternal life that is in heaven, you will surely perish and be condemned to a state of eternal suffering. Who really wants that? I did not want that demon speaking through me anymore, marking others' souls with tokens of sin, evoking lust, envy, lies, adultery, bisexuality, and the like. I sincerely apologize to those people. I could not help the manipulative and devilishly creative soul that was dwelling inside of me. I apologize for having you joined me in sin.
I think that's all.
Cierra.
7:36 pm
Friday, September 3, 2010
Harakiri
Harakiri
I would not wish
your belly to feel the scimitar
pierce through my chainmail,
love.
Stand behind me and
I will kill us,
mercifully,
honorably,
as a battle was painfully lost...
again.
Allow me to end it once
and for all, and all for
once it ends, a sinful
reign of fiery lust.
No one wants to see death,
so stand behind me, allow me to see
the reality of
our tragic flaws reflecting in the
silver of the scimitar.
More romantic it seems,
that i may kiss you
with my poisoned lips, and have
you die in my arms, watching
the end of an era become
glazed and dazed, before
wiping your tears of confusion and closing
your empty windows.
But i cannot watch you die,
love,
this was a battle
for crude,
the black gold i found within you.
Hold me close,
Rest your head on my shoulder,
I want to feel you at my back as
we keel over in the pool
of our own blood,
hot as the
eternal suffering
we will endure
if I didn't kill us.
So be glad
that you cannot feel me
love.
Be grateful
that we are not one
love.
Appreciate my love for you,
and allow me to drive this sword through us.
I would not wish
your belly to feel the scimitar
pierce through my chainmail,
love.
Stand behind me and
I will kill us,
mercifully,
honorably,
as a battle was painfully lost...
again.
Allow me to end it once
and for all, and all for
once it ends, a sinful
reign of fiery lust.
No one wants to see death,
so stand behind me, allow me to see
the reality of
our tragic flaws reflecting in the
silver of the scimitar.
More romantic it seems,
that i may kiss you
with my poisoned lips, and have
you die in my arms, watching
the end of an era become
glazed and dazed, before
wiping your tears of confusion and closing
your empty windows.
But i cannot watch you die,
love,
this was a battle
for crude,
the black gold i found within you.
Hold me close,
Rest your head on my shoulder,
I want to feel you at my back as
we keel over in the pool
of our own blood,
hot as the
eternal suffering
we will endure
if I didn't kill us.
So be glad
that you cannot feel me
love.
Be grateful
that we are not one
love.
Appreciate my love for you,
and allow me to drive this sword through us.
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